How To Customize Your Communication in All Walks of Life

Working in communications teaches you a lot of different things about people — more than can be explained in one article. But one of the most important lessons imparted on successful communicators is the ability to tailor your message to your audience. This is what I call custom communication.

All of us are unique in our backgrounds, experience, education, perspective, motives, and problems. So, doesn’t it make sense that we would all communicate differently, too? What inspires one person to act may not inspire another. The way you interpret a sentence could be different from the way I interpret it. A tone you use while speaking might suggest something about your mood to others you don’t realize. A problem one person or company has is different from another.

Custom communication isn’t rocket science, but at its core, it’s a concept that requires you to be invested in someone other than yourself and pay attention. Once implemented, you may find it to be the secret sauce you’ve been missing to build positive relationships across several aspects of your life.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.” — Shannon L. Alder

First: Be mindful and self-aware

Custom communicating is about fostering an understanding of another person — whether that’s a colleague, a customer, or a stranger — and making a positive connection with them. To accomplish that, you have to be mindful and self-aware of what you are putting out and how it will resonate with your audience.

Custom communication in the workplace builds better relationships

Want to improve relations with a coworker? Start speaking their language — listen to what they talk about, learn their preferences, and observe how they interact with others. Be formal with more serious personas and be relaxed with team members who are more playful.

Are they giving off body language cues? Crossed arms can be a sign they may not be comfortable, so you may want to tread carefully. Are they more introverted or extroverted? If you’re an outgoing personality interested in making a connection with a quieter person, be considerate, and know that you may have better luck approaching them one-on-one instead of in a group setting.

Other methods you can use to custom communicate in your workplace:

• Ask your colleague directly how they prefer to communicate — are they more visual and like to read emails from coworkers, or do they prefer to sit down meetings or phone calls to talk through things? Knowing how they process information best will help you exchange information more efficiently.
• Get to know your colleagues through another teammate’s eyes. Find someone who has worked with them for longer than you, then ask if they have an opinion on how best to get to know your coworker better. They might be willing to set up a relaxed coffee or lunch between you all to get acquainted.

Market yourself or your product uniquely for better results

Do you have a cool idea or product that you can’t wait to share with a customer? Awesome. Explain upfront what problem it solves for them specifically before you go into describing intricacies like capabilities or how it works. If you don’t know how your solution solves your customer’s problem you need to spend some time figuring it out before you approach them. You may not be familiar with your audience’s industry, so it’s up to you to do your homework and learn about it — research key stakeholders, read articles, and find out what’s happening in the news and on social media.

Need to pitch a reporter? Read what they cover first to understand how your story fits in the scope of their coverage, then tailor your message. If it’s not a fit, move on to somebody else that’s appropriate. Trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole will not get results, and it might burn a few bridges.

Here are additional ways you can custom communicate in your outreach about your product:

• Identify the company you want to pursue. Read recent media coverage for any comments from the company’s leadership team to get a sense of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats the business is facing. This will allow you to speak intelligently to how your product fits their unique needs.
• Make a list of the different types of people and their titles at a certain company you want to sell your product. Then make another list of the different problems each person has that your product solves. Add these messages to your communications.

Customize communication in your personal life to strengthen relationships with your loved ones

Did you know there are different languages of love? In the nineties, an author named Gary Chapman penned a self-help book on the five ways to express and experience love. He believes there are five different ways that each of us responds to love, including receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch.

Chapman’s suggestions of learning to recognize which of the languages your partner “speaks” in love is another example of custom communication. For example, a wife might need words of affirmation and physical touch to feel loved while her husband needs acts of service (devotion). This could translate to a reminder she is beautiful or 30 minutes of cuddling for her and a nice meal or clean house for him.

Here’s how you can read your partner’s love languages:

• Touch: If your partner lights up every time you hug them, ask them if they want a hug when you come home or just give them one without even asking.
• Service: When you receive a special acknowledgment or thank you from your loved one for doing the laundry, vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom, consider offering to do more chores.
• Time: Talk to your partner for 30 minutes without any screen time (TV, laptop, or phone) or other multitasking distractions. Propose doing so more regularly and if it’s quality time they prefer, they may agree with enthusiasm.
• Affirmations: Call, text, or email a thoughtful reminder to your partner at unexpected times of days to tell them you love and appreciate them. The more they engage with you in response, the more likely it is that they’re enjoying the attention.
• Gifts: Bring them a surprise present that makes you think of them—whether it’s an expensive gadget, new book, or even just a delicious treat you know they’ll enjoy. Later, ask how your gift impacted their day or week and repeat the effort if they are noticeably brighter.

Those are just hypothetical scenarios, but only you know your partner well enough to know what language will resonate most with them. If you’re not sure, it can’t hurt to ask. The approach also applies to custom communicating with friends, children, and family members.

Don’t forget that timing is everything

The last thing to keep in mind is that when you communicate is as important as what you communicate. You might have the right message for the right person, but if your timing is off they will not receive it effectively.

For example at work, don’t ask for a raise at a time when your boss recently mentioned budget is limited. If you’re a marketer, don’t pitch a product to the customer that is going through a company crisis (unless, of course, you have a way to help solve it) — wait until the storm has passed to approach. If you need to ask a favor from a friend, don’t ask on a day that they just received bad news.

Once you start custom communicating to the diverse audiences in the different areas of your life, you should see a powerful impact on the results you get back.

Written by Jessica Cooper, Principal at Playbook Marketing. This article was originally published in Better Marketing Magazine.